Adults Can Excel After Parent Dies
Dr. Safer's New Book Shows How Some Can Be Liberated After Grieving
Psychotherapist Jeanne Safer's upcoming book deals with how adults can better one's life after the death of a parent and not be held back by their expectations anymore.
Happiness after Grieving
The idea of liberation that comes over surviving adult children after a parent's death is discussed in an upcoming book by psychotherapist Jeanne Safer. Safer, who practices out of New York City, suggests that people who have strained relationships with one or both parents often pursue happier lifestyle choices after grieving the loss of a parent. Her new book titled, Death Benefits: How Losing a Parent Can Change an Adult’s Life--for the Better.
This idea does not suggest that the death of a parent should be a happy experience, but after grieving, adult children often report that their lives have significantly improved. One reason for this is that those activities or ideas disapproved of by parents no longer need to be answered to or held back.
Why Death Can Be Liberating
Children who have a difficult time going against their parents’ wishes or emancipating themselves from their parents’ daily lives are now free to pursue their own dreams and wishes without struggling against their parents and avoiding tensions or rifts that it would cause in their relationships. According to Safer’s book, this proves that parents still have control over their children even after their children are grown. After their death, the realization of this becomes clear in the mind of the surviving children.
The changes that occur with the death of a parent can take many forms. Some change their marital status, jobs, religions, pursue goals and activities, and even their emotional state. Their liberation gives them the freedom, time, and energy to do these things, no longer having to please their authority figures or cater to their emotions or feelings. However, not everyone is affected this way, and when their parents die, some adult children just feel empty and full of wasted opportunities with only some minor catharsis of past anger or resentment. However, the purpose of Safer’s book is to ensure that more of these children come to terms with their grief for the better.
Steps To Ensure Happiness
In the book, Safer explains a step-by-step process needed for people to take after the death of a parent. It starts by addressing and learning from a parent’s death. This is done by thinking about the relationship between the child and parent, looking through family possessions, and constructing an objective narrative of the parent’s history.
The griever should also think about both positive and negative traits that have been passed down from each parent and remind themselves that they no longer have to succumb to their parents’ expectations or worry about offending them in their life choices. Once the griever determines what changes they want to make with their life, they should follow through with them by seeking new experiences and relationships to support these changes.
The Book
Dr. Safer’s book is the latest in a string of books dealing with tough issues and situations. She specializes in siblings of those who are mentally and physically ill and women struggling with the idea of allowing motherhood to enter their lives. Her previous two books are titled Beyond Motherhood: Choosing a Life Without Chidren and Forgiving and Not Forgiving: Why Sometimes It’s Better Not To Forgive. Death Benefits will be released on April 28, 2008 published by Basic Books.
Hardcover
US $25.00
CAN $26.95
ISBN: 9780465072118
